Willpower waning? 16 ways to push past barriers and power...

Coach Annette DeCicco argues against relying on pure willpower, which is destined to fail. Her eight over eight success formula depends on powerful “situations” instead.

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We’ve all tested our resolve through sheer willpower; in fact, we do it every Jan. 1. The surge in gym memberships, diet meal plans, and, yes, ubiquitous training and coaching programs steadily declines as the realities of time, cost and questionable value set in.

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A recent New York Times guest essay, “Willpower Doesn’t Work. This Does.” by psychologist Angela Duckworth, caught my eye. You may remember her national bestseller, Grit, which captured the business world, exploring why some talented people fail while others succeed.

In her op-ed, Dr. Duckworth takes a slight turn from having “grit” alone to succeed. Her new book, Situated: Finding the People and Places that Bring Out Your Best, disputes every argument known to those who have tried “gritting” their teeth on willpower to succeed.

How can we push past fatigue and find our personal grit to power through? We must embrace more than sheer willpower and instead focus on what Duckworth calls “situational agency.”

National Quitters Day

When we “will,” we fail. And we do, abandoning the “best laid plans” that run, statistically, from two or three weeks to six months. We succumb to our most basic human wiring: We quit when forced to do something against our will. That’s where situational agency comes in.

Let’s start with a simple example to explain what sounds like a complex term.

Willpower: I won’t eat the cookies. I won’t eat the cookies. I ate the cookies.

Situational agency: Don’t buy the cookies.

The takeaway is that successful people exercise situational agency by arranging their lives to minimize the need for willpower. They do the hard things more consistently — not eating the cookies or committing to a set of business strategies — when they put themselves in situations that make the task or the goal easier.

How do we ‘will’ ourselves against temptations designed to be irresistible?

It depends on situational agency, on the company, places and things we keep. “Draw close what you want more of; push away what you want less,” Duckworth writes.

Successful strivers who depend on intentional situations are never casual with what they do or say because casual results in weak, embarrassing dialogue, lost opportunities not easily recovered, and worse, aborted plans, “quitting.” They rely on situations over will.

8 easy ‘situations’ of successful agents

People who find seemingly natural or easy success with agency or self-discipline are typically habit stackers, or those who practice simple systems that yield them positive results, like the following:

Move their phone to another room, or turn it upside down.
Silence notifications, including social likes, comments and impressions.
Follow a single-screen policy to avoid distractions. No second-screening on multiple devices.
Buddy up with an accountability partner to challenge effectiveness and produce better outcomes.
Create a comfortable and conducive workspace, home or office, limiting distractions from sights and sounds like children’s play or office chatter.
Access their resources easily before tackling a task, presentation or goal.
Live by a calendar to navigate the hour, the day, the week, the month.
Contain the whirlwind, and its 24/7 availability, until the designated task is complete.

8 hard ‘situations’ of successful agents

Work the leads they have — their personal contacts — with constant touch and intentional follow-up. For example, emailing owners a monthly or quarterly AVM of their home. Automated Valuation Models (AVMs) are free through NAR’s RPR (Realtor Property Resource), portals such as Realtor.com and Zillow’s Zestimate, and branded platforms such as those in Bold Trail’s tech stack.
Work the buyer leads they own in Follow-up Boss, Real Scout, their CRM or website, matching leads to needs and offering alternatives to win the return call.
Work the transactions they have as a trusted referral source, more likely when complementing their client’s consultative choices, reinforcing agent-value of choices that helped net a gain or save a pocketbook.
Educate sellers, including FSBOs and Expired Listing owners, on a wide range of commission-sharing choices since NAR’s 2024 settlement to help sellers make their best decisions within a more regulated and complex market.
Educate buyers on several changes that benefit homebuyers since NAR’s 2024 settlement to align with their buyer agency agreement and value services for easy buyer buy-in.
Probe future-focused buyers and sellers with the powerful “on a scale of 1 – 10” question that helps people measure motivation, resulting in actionable steps and putting the agent in the role of trusted advisor.
Gauge prospects with the hypothetical “if you could” question that turns a wish into an actuality, another method resulting in actionable steps, as with the Ninja Selling magic wand question from its podcast: “If you could wave a magic wand … what would that look like?”
Cover all their bases for buyer conversion with LPMAMA: location, price, motivation (measured on a scale of 1 to 10), agent, mortgage and appointment, as demonstrated by Tom Ferry.

There is power in ‘it depends’

Because successful agents depend on intentional situations, they are never the casual actors. They don’t stumble over words or cringey conversation. They are serious and studied. They are not the quitters in the industry.

Coaches often hear dejected agents say “I’ll never do that again” after a failed and unprepared attempt at lead conversion, unless and until they are offered up “situational agency,” surrounding themselves with the right people, places and things that elevate performance, protect daily routines, win more clients and fill the sacred pipeline, easily.

You are the director of your own life, your own business

This year, instead of going through life overwhelmed, underperforming and guilt-ridden, arrange your life in carefully curated “situations” that propel success.

Control who and what enter your personal space in eight easy and eight not-so-easy situations. With practice and consistency, you will be making intentional choices to create the life and business you want.

Annette DeCicco is a real estate broker and director of growth and development at Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Jordan Baris Realty in Northern New Jersey. Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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