By
Andrea Ciriaco
Updated
41 minutes ago
Andrea Ciriaco is a long-time script reader and former entertainment editor who specializes in classic movies and Hollywood history. She was a student film critic at Kent State University for three years and worked at Warner Bros Studio in Burbank and The Safran Company for several years. Based on her vast taste and range of knowledge, many consider Andrea to be a walking IMDb who knows dozens of underrated movies and is a vital assesst to any trivia night. While movies are her expertise, Andrea is also a diehard fan of iconic shows including The Sopranos, Boardwalk Empire, Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone, Will & Grace and South Park. Some of her favorite filmmakers are Walt Disney,John Huston, Fritz Lang, Alfred Hitchcock, John Ford, Mel Brooks, Quentin Tarantino, Martin Scorsese and Howard Hawks.
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Here is a fact-based summary of the story contents:
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HBO's The Sopranos has gone down in history as one of the most iconic drama series that forever changed the world of television. It is a timeless series that, even decades after its controversial finale, continues to gain fans of all ages across the globe and is recognized by many as one of the greatest TV shows of all time. Created by David Chase, James Gandolfini stars as New Jersey mob boss, Tony Soprano, who is faced with having to juggle his unconventional line of work and his image of being an all-American father and husband, while also trying to maintain a low profile with authorities.
Of course, Tony is one of many memorable characters in the series, and when it comes to his nephew, Christopher Moltisanti, he's considered a top-tier player who is essentially a reflection of the mafioso. Played by the incredible Michael Imperioli, Christopher is one of the funniest as well as most tragic characters in The Sopranos, who reigns as a favorite for his love of gangster movies and unfiltered comments. With his classic, "I did-ent!" one-liner to his dramatic remark, "I am your soldier, Antonio," these are the best Christopher Moltisanti quotes in The Sopranos, ranked.
20 "He was gay, Gary Cooper?"
"Christopher" (Season 4, Episode 3)
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti in The Sopranos episode ChristopherImage via HBO
In Season 4's "Christopher," Tony tries to be supportive of Silvio Dante (Steven Van Zandt) and his mission to protect Columbus Day until he realizes that he's been played by Chief Doug Smith (Nick Chinlund). As Tony finally puts his two cents in about Sil's crusade, he refers back to his opinion of the classic movie star, Gary Cooper ("You know, the strong, silent type"), which goes over everyone's head, notably Christopher, who has clearly not been paying attention.
Christopher's moronic question about Cooper not only lightens the intense tone of the scene but also reveals Chrissy's inability to read the room, making it both an insightful and top-tier Christopher quote. Tony is obviously upset and frustrated about the situation, so when Chrissy decides to chime in, his stupidity inevitably sends Tony over the edge with his ranting and raving, adding a layer of unexpected humor to the episode's final scene.
19 "Well, hats off, but for all the dynamic excitement in these songs, maybe we should get another downed powerline in here and let you suck on it."
"A Hit is a Hit" (Season 1, Episode 10)
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti standing in a recording studio holding a guitar over his head while Drea De Matteo as Adriana La Cerva is standing next to him in The Sopranos episode A Hit is a HitImage via HBO
When Chrissy's girlfriend, Adriana (Drea De Matteo), wants to try her luck at music management, the couple rents out a recording studio to record an album with Adriana's ex-boyfriend, Richie Santini (Nick Fowler), and his band, known as Visiting Day. During the painfully horrible session, Chrissy and Richie engage in a heated confrontation over the band's terrible and depressing songs, leading Chrissy to make a harsh but hilarious comment that is, hands down, one of the character's finest.
Some fans consider "A Hit is a Hit" to be a throwaway episode, but Christopher's impulsive venture into the music industry does have its comedic qualities. Chrissy has always had unrealistic expectations about earning significant success and fame in life, so when he realizes recording a hit album isn't an easy task, he reveals his ignorance through his sarcastic sense of humor, which is impossible for fans not to find amusing.
18 "Pours you a drink with one hand, judges you with the other if you take it."
"Walk Like a Man" (Season 6, Episode 17)
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti sitting in a room with other people around him in The Sopranos episode Walk Like a ManImage via HBO
In "Walk Like a Man," Chrissy attends an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting where a guy opens up about how difficult it is for him to stay sober, especially when his job involves an almost constant presence of alcohol. Chrissy shares with the guy and the rest of the group how he also struggles in his "place of work" as well as feeling as though he is under the constant scrutiny of Tony and the guys, who fail to respect and understand the severity of Chrissy's addiction.
Chrissy's quote in "Walk Like a Man" paints a surprisingly accurate portrait of Tony and his hypocrisy regarding Chrissy's sobriety and ranks as one of the character's criminally overlooked quotes in the series. Like the majority of the guys, Chrissy harbors his emotions and rarely opens up to anyone about them. In this particular scene, Chrissy doesn't hesitate to speak out, which not only reveals insight into his character's mindset but also how Chrissy can be pretty rational and reasonable when he doesn't bottle things up.
17 "We should've stopped at Roy Rogers!"
"Pine Barrens" (Season 3, Episode 11)
Tony Sirico and Michael Imperioli in 'The Sopranos'Image via HBO
In "Pine Barrens," Paulie (Tony Sirico) and Chrissy find themselves in an unexpected predicament after they accidentally kill a Russian associate while collecting money for Silvio. As they plan to take the body out to the Pine Barrens, Chrissy suggests that they stop at Roy Rogers first, but Paulie convinces him to wait, assuring him that it won't take that long. Unfortunately, the seemingly quick and easy task turns into a fight for survival as Chrissy and Paulie are stranded in the frozen forest.
"Pine Barrens" ranks as one of the show's best episodes and is known for its array of hysterical quotes, including Chrissy's about Roy Rogers, which is utterly priceless. Even when he is freezing and starving, Chrissy still manages to throw it back in Paulie's face and boldly call him out on one of several major mistakes he made, all of which led them to their dilemma. There are dozens of memorable moments in "Pine Barrens," but Chrissy's childish anger over not stopping at Roy Rogers is an undisputed highlight of the episode.
16 "You'd f**k a catcher's mitt!"
"The Strong, Silent Type" (Season 4, Episode 10)
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti being pulled by the collar of his shirt by James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano in The Sopranos episode The Strong, Silent TypeImage via HBO
In "The Strong, Silent Type," Tony and several others attend an intervention regarding Christopher's drug usage, which, as expected, doesn't go over too well with him. As some people share their thoughts and opinions, Christopher finally reaches his breaking point and unleashes a ton of insults, calling everyone out, including Tony and his rampant infidelity and the lack of standards surrounding his sex life.
While Chrissy does have a serious drug problem and should go to rehab, it's hard to hear that from a bunch of guys like Tony and the others who have their own fair share of skeletons in their closets. It's hilarious to see Chrissy go down the line and call Sil and Paulie out, but when he gets to Tony, his ruthless comment about how he would have sex with a catcher's mitt is pure comedy gold that ultimately sums up Tony's extramarital affairs in a nutshell. Chrissy may not be the show's most intelligent and educated guy, but when it comes to dishing out the insults, he never fails to throw out a humorous zinger.
15 "Whatever you say, T, I'd follow you into the gates of hell."
"Everybody Hurts" (Season 4, Episode 6)
James Gandolfini with his hand on Michael Imperioli cheek in The Sopranos episode Everybody Hurts.Image via HBO
At the beginning of "Everybody Hurts," Tony calls and asks Christopher to meet with him to discuss the future of the family and his position as essentially Tony's successor. The conversation goes well, and both of them seem satisfied with the plans of taking the Soprano crew into the 21st century...well, further into it at least.
Christopher stupidly reminds Tony that they're already in the 21st century, and, out of fear of ruining the conversation they just had, Christopher quickly pledges his loyalty to Tony. This specific Christopher quote expresses his unwavering sense of loyalty to Tony, but in the following season, he touches back on this while talking to Adriana (Drea de Matteo) about how he feels Tony has started to favor Tony B (played by Steve Buscemi). This is an insightful quote as well as a testament to Christopher's recurring feeling that he's going to end up in hell because of Tony.
14 "We have to stick together. Why be in a crew?"
"46 Long" (Season 1, Episode 2)
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti sitting in a lawn chair in The Sopranos.Image via HBO
After being warned about not hijacking another one of Comely's trucks, Brendan (Anthony DeSando) and Christopher disregard Tony and plan to strike again. When Brendan comes to pick Christopher up, he's surprised when Chrissy reveals he's taking a pass, expressing his opinion that guys like them, who don't listen to the higher-ups, are why things are so messed up in the organization.
This moment and quote in "46 Long" might be one of the few times when Christopher is being logical and rational. If he had maintained this mindset going forward, he might have been much happier and successful in this thing. Unfortunately, this way of thinking is short-lived, but his lecture to Brendan and presenting the question of why belong to something if they're going to disrespect it is one of Chrissy's best quotes that also gives a slight glimmer of the kind of guy he could have become.
13 "What's so hilarious ya f**kin' parade float?"
"Irregular Around the Margins" (Season 5, Episode 5)
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti in The Sopranos episode Irregular Around the Margins.Image via HBO
In "Irregular Around the Margins," Tony and Adriana are involved in a car accident late one night while driving to get drugs. Despite nothing happening between them, rumors begin to spread that they are hooking up and eventually find their way to Christopher, who was out of town at the time. The whispers soon become too much for Christopher to handle, and when he walks in on the guys laughing, he knows they're talking about Tony and Adriana.
Christopher walks in and asks the guys what they're talking about, leading to Vito chuckling and becoming the target of Chrissy's rage. While it is an intense moment, Christopher's question to Vito and reference to his size is hard not to find a bit funny, especially when Vito was lying and talking smack about Adriana. It might seem like an offensive remark, but Chrissy is kind of in the right, and it adds a bit of comedic relief to a very tense situation.
12 "Wait here, I'll get your Viagra."
"Johnny Cakes" (Season 6, Episode 8)
As Tony, Silvio, and Christopher are standing outside, a beautiful woman catches Tony's eye. When he points her out, Silvio confidently claims he could handle a woman like that. Christopher doesn’t miss a beat before firing off, "Wait here, I’ll get your Viagra." It's a quick yet brutal comeback that challenges Silvio's tough talk. It's also executed with perfect comedic timing.
This line works because it shows Christopher's sharp tongue and fearlessness when it comes to teasing the older guys. Silvio may be a respected figure in the crew, but that doesn't stop Chrissy from cracking a joke that hits below the belt—literally. It's a reminder that, even though he's younger and often looked down on, Christopher can hold his own in the group's constant battle of egos.
11 "It's like the f**king regularness of life is too f**kin' hard for me."
"The Legend of Tennessee Moltisanti" (Season 1, Episode 8)
Michael Imperioli driving while James Gandolfini is looking at him from the passenger's seat in The Sopranos.Image via HBO
After Tony learns about Christopher's irresponsible behavior in "The Legend of Tennessee Moltisanti," he angrily confronts his nephew when he picks him up for the day. After cooling down a bit, Christopher starts to open up a bit about how he has currently been feeling, which Tony thinks sounds like depression. Of course, he says this in so many words, but Christopher's admission to his inability to live a normal, regular life is telling as well as a moment of foreshadowing.
Throughout the show, Christopher has always had a desire to be someone of notoriety in life and would never be happy leading an average life. This quote speaks to Christopher's character, but it also comes back into play when he finds out Adriana has been talking to the FBI. Even though he loves Adriana, he loves himself more, and it's clear that he isn't about to give up his life in this thing to potentially be stuck in a basic life. This Christopher quote might not be deep or full of wisdom, but it is extremely telling regarding Chrissy's overall mindset and perspective of how he imagines his life to unfold.
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